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September 17, 2007
When a loser fails, does that make it a win? Not always, but this week finds the two top seeds - Duke and Iowa State - failing to meet expectations by winning their games. This is why you play 'em.
Week 3 action brought a number of curious outcomes. In a significant milestone, Duke planted an 'L' in somebody else's backyard for a change by introducing Northwestern's Wildycats to the bottom of the loser's barrel. And after pulling off the unthinkable by losing to both Kent State and Northern Iowa, Iowa State's Cyclones put all their eggs into their field goal team's basket to beat real Iowa 15-13, without scoring a touchdown.
Michigan threw a wet towel on Ohio State's delirium by failing to lose to Notre Dame. Now the South Benders take sole possession of national attention focused on their winless season. The Irish lost convincingly to a team starting a quarterback that had never played a down and who couldn't - without a fake ID - buy a beer. Giving up 31 straight first half points had plenty of the ND student body getting out their fake IDs and hitting I-90 for downtown Chicago before the Michigan band took the field. Owning up to the now-real prospect of a significantly longer losing streak, the Irish fans are gathering their courage - liquid and otherwise, to look in the outhouse of their 2007 season. A 0-3 record cannot be ignored, so the Irish enter the futility top ten this week.
The Louisville Cardinals also learned a bit about what it was like to be Murray State in Week 1, by handing the University of Kentucky a win. It was Kentucky's first win over a top ranked opponent since disco was king. Kentucky snuck through the early season with wins over Kent State and Eastern Kentucky to sneak up on and beat the Cardinals 40-24 in a defensive battle.
Trying to sneak up on people is a strategy Nebraska employs. The Huskers spend the early season beating up on smaller schools and then ambushing the Big Boys when it counts. Unknown inside Nebraskaland, the Big Red are considered to be one of the Big Boys themselves and can't sneak up on anybody. Accordingly, the Cornhuskers found themselves ambushed at home 49-31 to #1 USC. 21 straight USC points in the 3rd quarter sealed the deal.
#11 UCLA took a trip to the forgotten time zone to take on Utah and was thoroughly snuffed by the Utes 44-6. The UCLAns just couldn't figure out how to set their watches for the kick off time and thought they needed their passports to get to Utah. Coming into the game, the Utes racked up losses to Oregon State and Air Force. They needed to play UCLA to get well.
And after weeks and even years of throwing themselves on the Futility Sword of Self Sacrifice, Troy University scored a big 41-23 win over a reasonably talented Oklahoma State team. Some of the historic blowouts endured by the Trojans include a 56-0 pasting by Nebraska in 2006 as well as kicking off 2007 with a 46-26 loss to Arkansas and a 59-31 shellacking by Florida. The Trojans hung in there and kept scheduling games against good schools and - at last - came out with a solid win. So congrats to Troy! This is what makes the games worth watching.
Watching last week's losers take the field brought some interesting outcomes and scrambled the top ten of football futility, bringing us a new top tier of failures. When schools like Vanderbilt start scoring conference wins, things really get confusing, so hang in there.
1. Syracuse
The wind inside the Carrier Dome was causing trouble for the Illinois kicker, as he nearly whiffed on the second half kickoff, netting about four yards. This placed the ball as far as the 29 and led to a Syracuse field goal. Unfortunately for the Orange, they were already behind 17-0. Counting on the opposing kicker to hit the top of the ball to improve your field position is a difficult way to run up points.
If Syracuse can figure out how to create wind inside their Carrier Dome, they should be able to come up with a way to score touchdowns. The Orange now sport a 0-3 record heading into week 4 with a game against Louisville. The Orange better figure out how to make the wind blow the ball right back in the Card's face if they are to win this one.
2. Army
The Mules lost to Wake Forrest this week as expected. The Deacons gave their offense the day off, allowing special teams and defense to score the points. Army went down 21-10 in this one to extend their record to 1-2. Army better begin setting expectations for this weekend as the Knights take on a ranked BC Eagles squad who is on a 3-0 roll after knocking off the G Tech Wrecks.
3. Utah State
In the Ben Dover Memorial Game of Week 3, the Utah State Aggies put up a tough fight against the University of Oklahoma before being subdued 54-3. The Aggies threw everything they had at the Sooners, but the Sooner second and third strings ran off 38 points in the first 30 minutes. It was touch and go for the Sooners after that, but they hung on for a 51 point margin of victory. Hang on to your ticket stubs from this one, folks. They will be worth something someday - like for, well... never mind.
4. San Jose State
Another new addition to the top ten of the worst, San Jose State jumped ahead of several previously ranked schools by virtue of its stellar 0-3 record. The Spartans have a shot this week though, against newly ranked Utah State. This is the rotten game of the week, as the 0-3 Spartans bring their experience of losing to AZ State, KState and Stanford on the line against Utah State.
5. North Carolina
The Tar Heels had a positively Nebraskaesque (without USC) schedule set up to get their football program on its feet. Unlike the Huskers, North Carolina went out and let the VA Cadavaliers clip 'em 22-20 at home. The lucky Heels now take their show on the road to South Florida, though, so they may have a shot at a road win. Should South Florida knock 'em off in the steam of south Florida, look for the Heels to begin a run at number one.
6. NC State
The Wolfpack may have just seen its best game of September. The next weeks bring ranked opponents, so NCState better be enjoying its win over Wofford. The 'Pack scheduled this game in the middle of September so that season ticket holders would have to buy tickets as part of their ACC package. This is solid business planning. Perhaps the business majors should be running the football program as the Wolfpack now heads into the meat of the ACC Schedule.
7. Iowa State
The Cyclones threw a wrench into their drive for number one by stealing a victory over Real Iowa on the strength of five field goals. A win is a win, but to put up enough points without scoring a touchdown is still boring. This may have been the strategy as the Hawkeyes yawned themselves to sleep enough to let I-State kick a 4th quarter field goal to win. Up next for I state is Toledo - who has previous experience against teams such as Ohio State. Toledo has a chance in this one, so stay tuned.
8. Duke
The Blue Devils came up short in their drive to repeat their perfect and winless season in 2006. They beat Northwestern in Evanston, IL on Saturday to break one of the longest ongoing losing streaks of BCS level teams. This battle of the egghead allstars resulted in a cerebral 20-14 thriller with a total of 7 points scored in the entire second half. Congratulations none the less to Duke and good luck. They have every chance of climbing back to the top of the futility rankings with a schedule that includes four currently ranked teams. Who would have thought that the November 17 game against Notre Dame could possibly be close?
9. New Mexico State
The other Aggies of the futile top ten managed a victory over nearby Texas El Paso this week. It is good that these two schools play football because there ain't much else to do in that part of the country except run across the bridge into Juarez for some decent tequila. These schools are so close to each other that fans of each school gather along the Texas-New Mexico border to throw rocks at one another. The coaching staffs of both schools watch the festivities to recruit and train quarterbacks.
10. Notre Dame
How unusual is this? Not only are the Irish included in the top ten of college footballs worst, they were shut out against another 0-2 school. One can only imagine the pain in South Bend this week. The Notre Dame recruiting network is melting down and reaching critical mass. The physics majors at ND know exactly what this means and are looking to throw a carbon rod into the smoldering radioactive mass to keep things from exploding. The ND Coaching staff is looking like the best thing to throw into the mess, so stay tuned to see who is still around in two weeks. The last coach to rack up five straight losses gave his final salute to Touchdown Jesus shortly thereafter.
Now that the 2007 season is solidly underway, there are some teriffic games and match ups to enjoy. Will Duke and I-State get back on track to lose on Saturday? Can Syracuse keep an angry and motivated Louisville from squeezing the life out of them? For the answers to these and other important questions of our time, please visit http://firstworst.com
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